Casey's Awkward Confessions: #8

 

I think break-ups are the reason swear-words were invented.

 

My worst ever break-up was when I was in my last year of high school. My boyfriend had gone away and thought about it for a week and decided I just didn’t make the cut. So he came to my house and bravely said ‘I’m sorry’ repeatedly and assumed I would get the message.

 

Despite wanting to punch him in the face, I walked him to his car which was parked on the street. He was about to get into his car when he looked up at me and said “can I hug you?”. Instead of telling him to piss right off, I nodded a pathetic ‘yes please.’ Mistake. Hugs during break-ups don't have happy endings (not that kind of happy ending. Gross).

 

Our break-up suddenly turned into a cheesy rom-com, most likely starring Meg Ryan. Even now I can’t believe how ridiculous the following sequence of events is. He came over and gave me a hug, then suddenly he kissed me and said “I just can’t leave you.” I know, right? So romantic. Beautiful. The stuff real fictional love stories are made of.

 

It didn’t end there. My emotional rollercoaster took another awkward turn when he jumped back with a horrified look on his face and said ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, that was a mistake.’ Cool. Thanks.

 

He was a reasonable guy and recognised that it was a bit rude of him to break up with me then kiss me. Slightly mixed signals, one could say. So Mr Maturity let me decide. He literally used the phrase ‘the ball is in your court’. Essentially his offer was “I don’t want to be with you, which is why I just dumped you. However, I accidentally kissed you which was a horrendous mistake given that I don’t like you at all, which is why I just dumped you. Because I kissed you it is only fair that you get to decide whether we stay together. Although I’d really rather we didn’t, which is why I just dumped you.”

 

Needless to say, I was swept off my feet.

 

Awkward confession #8 : I never want to go through a break-up ever again. I’m not sure my body could deal with eating the required amount of ice cream to get through it. The unfortunate implication of this is that my next boyfriend would also have to be my future husband. Talk about putting a relationship in a pressure cooker. I can practically hear all the single males on the North Shore running for their lives.

 

At this point, if I ever want to go on a date again I should probably mention the fact that I don’t actually like this mindset. I don’t think it is particularly helpful, however it sneaks into my head from time to time. It’s natural: survival instincts. No-one goes into a relationship hoping it will all go up in smoke. We want to avoid that pain as much as humanly possible and we don't want to hurt anyone. Plus there’s always the fear of investing in the wrong one. We want to find the person God wants for us and skip ahead to our happily ever after as soon as possible.

 

I suspect this mindset is part of the reason not many Christians are actually dating. The pressure is just too much. Potential relationships stall before they even begin because of the fear of expectation. But if you’re hanging out one-on-one for the first time chances are you don’t actually know them well enough to know whether you want to officially ‘date’, let alone whether you will want to spend your lives together.

 

In order to bypass this pressure, we engineer group hang-outs where we might see our crush-of-the-day. We subtly attempt to lure them into a one-on-one conversation without drawing attention to our hidden agenda. We hope that if we hide in the safety of the group-hang no-one has to know we have a crush, while ignoring the fact that if no-one knows our crush also won’t know, so nothing is going to happen. Unfortunately group hangs can be a bit luck-of-the-draw in terms of who you get to spend the most time with. Not the ideal environment for getting to know one individual on a deeper level.

 

Somewhere along the line the battle of the sexes has become the battle of the intentions. Guys too worried that if they ask a girl to coffee she will spend the entire time planning their wedding. Girls trying desperately not to over-analyse, while replaying the entire night in her head to assess whether or not she said anything stupid. The casual one-on-one hangout seems to automatically be given the dreaded ‘date’ label. The ‘date’ label now carries with it a promise that neither party can know if they will keep.

 

I think we need to manage our expectations. Maybe it doesn't need to be so stressful. Maybe it's time we all chill the flip out and embrace the ‘pre-date’. The casual, no-commitment-implied stage of getting to know each other BEFORE you decide whether you actually want to start dating. If you can’t spend some actual quality time together, how will you ever know? You will soon find out whether there’s something worth pursuing. Giggidy.

 

At the end of the day, all relationships are risky. No-one can read the future. There are no guarantees. But if you aren't prepared to take a risk every now and again, at some point you have to ask yourself how much you actually want that white picket fence you are supposedly holding out for. Your future spouse isn’t just going to walk through the back door one day and say “honey, I’m home.” You do actually have to do something.

 

So go forth and hang, young adults of the world. Discover a world of hotties and possibilities. Make some friends, flirt a little and have some fun. After all, it's only a matter of time before you find the right one... Right?