Grace Wium: The Heart of the Matter

There were some birds who knew their Creator, they were known as Believers. They were bright and happy and released into a garden to sing. To sing to their Creator. To sing to the Glory of God and so they sang. Wherever they sang light and colour vibrated and intensified. Soon others joined their numbers. They flew high and far on notes from another world. Over storms and through despair and trials. Never stopping their song of love and praise to the Creator. They flew high with the same fire of passion in their eyes as that of the Savior Jesus! The beat of their song was love.

Thousands of years later the world was grayer and faster. Strangely it seemed to be becoming darker. There were more flight paths and the speed of life meant that hardly ever did birds stop and have a tweet with each other.

More birds were walking and less were flying. More birds were like chickens. Caged and chained; their spirits dead to God. Some believed that they would be reincarnated to be eagles. Some believed they had god in them and worshiped themselves, living selfish comfortable lives. Most of them not even daring to fly. Believer birds who once knew freedom were ensnared and felt as if their wings had weights on them. 

A new thought came in. No-one knows when exactly or by whom. This thought was powerful and widely influenced the believers. The very same breed of those who use to spread light and colour and hope.

The thought infiltrated the Believers lives. The thought became a tangible cord, a strong thick rope. It wrought itself strongly around the believers’ beaks. No song was sung.

Not that there was much time anyway.

The strategy changed from singing praises and spreading the Good news of the Savior Jesus. It changed to a new modern approach. Words such as culture and relational evangelism, actions louder than words, started to be spoken of. 'Not shoving it down another bird’s throat', the older style of evangelism was frowned upon and referred to as dropping bibles from the sky, bashing birds on the head as they walked past. They now hung out in cages and faked a few chains. Politeness governed this new grey, colorless world. Even the thought of starting to learn to sing praises to the King was too hard. The fastening of the beaks became stronger and stronger. Strengthened by each other, the believers pulled their cords tighter.

Other birds who didn't know Jesus, freely gave their views and opinions, chanting there religions and holding yoga parties and teaching meditation. No cord was around their beaks.

Soon a law was passed, making official the unspoken law of ‘acceptability’. Religion was a private affair and not to be shared. This did not change much, though a few crazy evangelists were locked up.

One day a bird that knew its creator and loved Jesus died young and tragically, colliding with another bird, one who did not know Jesus.

The funeral was a double. Two mourning groups of birds thronged together in tears and silence. No bird chirped about the hope they had for their friend in heaven. Twines of appropriateness held their beaks strong. Not even the knowledge that they witnessed the funeral of a bird doomed to suffering and torment caused them to open their beaks and snap the twine.

One day a bird flew higher than ever. The flight was hard as his wings were weighted, but he pushed through, thinking of Jesus, loving Him. This birds name was Michael.

Suddenly he found himself in another place. It was full of light and vivid colour! Michael was met by his friend whose funeral he had attended. They greeted each other and fluttered their special greeting. Then Michael’s friend whispered in his ear.

“I never told him."

"Who?" Asked Michael

“I never told my friend who I collided with, that Jesus saves, his not here!"

Before Michael had time to digest this he saw birds chirping

“Paul’s here".

A bird that looked like a sparrow had just flown near.

"Are the same Paul as in the Bible" Michael cried out.

"Yes" the bird replied.

"Your evangelism and preaching were amazing! I wish I lived in your times, then I too could do as you did, it's not appropriate now?”

 Paul threw his head back and laughed

"Do you think I would have been thrown in jail if was appropriate?"

Something that looked like sympathy was in Paul's eyes as he spoke.

A moment later Paul was gone and Moses came up and welcomed Michael. Again Michael exclaimed at the marvels Moses witnessed of the power of God demonstrated before his eyes. Then timidly he said.

“It's not culturally acceptable to live as you did now.”

Moses did just as Paul did, threw his head back and laughed. 

Do you think it was culturally acceptable to ask Pharaoh to let God's people go".

Michael cast down his eyes puzzled. He loved God and always wanted to live his life right before God. When Michael looked up He saw a bird who he knew was the beloved disciple of Jesus named John. Such compassion and love was in John’s eyes as he beckoned to Michael to follow him.

They flew straight to a bright light. So bright that Michael didn't know where he was going. Soon he found himself in a room. After much time Michaels eyes adjusted. He then knew he was in the heart of God. In the first chamber he saw names written of friends who were believers. After a minute John led Michael to the next chamber. In this chamber he saw names of those who had spoken of Jesus. He saw: John, Peter, Paul and many 1000s. Then he saw Jessie the evangelist’s name. The one who had been locked up recently after the new law was passed. After this he went to the last chamber. For the first time John spoke.

"This chamber is called. Intensely loved and longed for."

The chamber was a deep red. In this chamber names were written. Michael went closer to the sides to see the names. The dark red was made of blood that dripped from the carved out names. Michael recognized his friends who mocked Jesus, those who were not believers. Overwhelmed, Michael felt himself guided out.

He found himself at the chest of God. He heard a heartbeat. How I love them, beat the heart. How I love all the people, the word all echoed in Paul's ears. Then he heard familiar words flow all around him. The great commission to go and tell the good news, John 3:16, For God so loved the world… Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved, proclaim the goodness of God, speak of His wonders, Faith comes by hearing, how will they believe if they do not hear. Take up your cross, deny yourself and follow Me. You are my witnesses, to the ends of the earth. Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul, but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both the soul and the body in Hell…Whoever confesses Me before men, him will I confess before My Father, but if you deny me before men I will deny you before My Father in Heaven. Whoever calls one the Lord will be saved. Repentance and remission of sin should be preached to all nations.

As each word came into Michael’s heart a thread of the rope snapped from around his beak. Then the rope around his feet was cut- Michael was reminded of the verse to cast off the sin that so easily entangles. Lastly Michael found weights start to fall off his wings. As the weights started to fall all the moments that he had lived just for himself appeared in an instance before His eyes. Michael then felt a song of love deposited into his heart. This song was the gospel and gave glory and praise to God. Michael started to weep. And then the last cord snapped. Condemnation and guilt were broken by the Lord himself.

As Michael started to descend back to earth He was amazed at the joy and strength he had. He then saw a great host of birds watching him and silently cheering Him on as He went forth to sing his song. Songs of mercy and favor flowing from the greatest Love Song ever sung.

Casey Murray: Come out, come out wherever you are

I like to think of myself a smart person, but sometimes I am actually an idiot.

At my office only the senior management team have the power to lock up the building at the end of the night. This means once they leave, you leave. One night I was working late and there was only one manager left in the building. Unfortunately he didn’t realise I was still in the office and when he left I happened to be in the bathroom.

I was washing my hands when suddenly everything went black. I started to panic as I realised that he must have locked up and I had about 2 seconds to get to the front door before the alarm went off. I went to open the door and it wouldn’t open. I tried again. It still wouldn’t open.

My first thought was ‘I didn’t know that locking the building locked all the internal doors as well.’ My panic mounted as I contemplated a night spent locked in my work bathroom. Toilet-germs everywhere. No phone, nothing to do. No pillow or blanket. I felt like I was in the opening scene of a horror film, as I tried not to imagine an invisible hand reaching out to grab my ankle.

My second thought was ‘Hold on. This is a bathroom. I locked the door.’

Setting the trap

This is a classic Casey Murray move. Sometimes I just get so stuck in the darkness that I forget that I locked myself in. Experience tells me I'm not the only one with this unfortunate habit. We unknowingly wander into the crap because hey, that’s part of life. Then we lock ourselves in and when everything goes dark we look up and say ‘why have you trapped me in here?!?!’

My default response is to accept defeat, curl into a ball and barricade the door with my own negative self talk. 'I'm single' becomes 'NO-ONE WILL EVER LOVE ME!' 'I'm having a bad hair day' becomes 'I'M THE UGLIEST GIRL IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.' 'I slightly over-cooked those cookies' becomes 'I'M GOING TO BE A TERRIBLE MOTHER.' I let life buffet me around and forget that I can actually do something.

Facing reality

I think it starts with being honest. We are human, we feel pain, disappointment, heartbreak, loss, betrayal. There's not a lot of point in pretending otherwise. We can try bottling it up, but at some point we end up looking back on our bad decisions and unhealthy relationships and wonder what it was that sucked all the joy out of life.

Sometimes it's so much easier to escape. There are a million and one vices these days that will claim to take the pain away. Chocolate and trashy reality TV are my personal favourites. I can sink into nothingness for hours and pretend that I don't have to do life. But life is always there waiting for me, and the reality is the more I try to ignore it the more it will trap me.

Acknowledging how your feeling is important, but I also think step two is important. Take responsibility for your life. I wish it was as simple as just flicking a lock and turning a handle. It can be a frustratingly long process and everyone is different. But at some point you are going to have to get the ball rolling and let yourself actually live again. Unfortunately being a grown-up means we can’t just stop at ‘I feel xyz because of abc.’ We actually need to find a way to work through it. Not hide it and hope it goes away. Actually deal with it head-on.

For me, step two started with counselling. After spending two and a half years firmly locked in the darkness, I eventually reached out towards that lock. I will admit, that first session didn’t automatically change my life. It wasn’t the magic kiss that made everything better. But that day I took a stand. That day I decided I didn’t want to be locked in the darkness forever. I didn’t come away suddenly feeling like everything was sunshine and rainbows, but I did come away from it feeling empowered. Casey was back.

Facing God

Somewhere in there I also experimented with this whole letting God in thing. At first all I had to say was ‘ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! What are you doing to me!' I'll be honest, I didn't want to bring my burdens before God. Part of me felt like I was admitting failure, while the other part of me felt like it was God's fault that I had burdens in the first place. More than that, I didn't think this alleged 'God' that people spoke of would actually bother helping me anyway. I didn't want to sit around talking to a brick wall, re-living all my pain in the vain hope that someone out there was listening and could fix it. I just wanted God to wave his magic wand and make it all go away.

I remember repeating 'I don’t want to do this’ because I genuinely didn’t want to. I was overwhelmed by the thought of having to actually deal with my mess. I was sitting at the bottom of crap mountain, looking up and thinking there was no way I could ever make it to the top. God didn't wipe everything out, He didn't do all the work for me, but He did pick me up off my feet and point me in the right direction. Somehow through talking/yelling/whining to Him I managed to find strength. Then eventually I found peace.

Over time, Casey has found her feet again. It took a while. At times I felt like I was picking the lock with a toothpick, but it was worth hanging in there. I’m not saying I don’t occasionally take a step back through the door to dwell in the darkness. It's definitely an ongoing process. No matter who you are or how strong you away, mess has a way of finding you. But you don’t have to be locked in the dark forever.

So take a stand. Give darkness the finger. It doesn’t own you. You belong to someone a lot more powerful than a crusty old lock. And quite frankly He didn’t make you to be locked inside the metaphorical bathroom of doom. Life will crap on your parade. It happens and it can be really, REALLY awful. But we need to learn not to lock ourselves in every time we get given a raw deal. Somehow we need to find a way to unlock that door and step through it.

It sure as heck isn’t going to unlock itself.

In a similar vein, Koreana Wilson shared her story with us a little while ago. Worth listening to for another example of God working through our suffering to make us whole!

Mark McConnell - The Gospel, The Trinity and All of Life

This man is Mark McConnell. He teaches theology at Laidlaw College (the better college). He is from Scotland and was subjected to racism on Sunday night because of this. He's a good guy and brought to us a great discussion of the Trinity and all of life, talking about the mythological god that we create in our distrust of God himself.

Well worth the listen, an well worth checking out the theologians he mentions too.

Included at the beginning is a bit of a story from Sarah Davidson who is part of our community, and we really appreciate her sharing too - some really insightful stuff in there!

Amanda: Homosexuality

Amanda unpacks all the references to homosexuality in the bible and what that seems to point to. All this is held in tension with her own convictions and journey. Handled really sensitively and a good indication of where the pastoral team have landed on this as we wrestled with it as a community.

please note: Amanda had nothing to do with the above photo and will probably hurt me for it.

Ben Wilson: Trust Issues

I'm quite indifferent to the idea of marriage. For a guy with high testosterone levels, some might see that as an issue. I'm really not sure though. The past few years have brought to my attention that I kind of don't want a wife - but I do...but again I don't. I could go on perilous adventures with my loyal steed, questing every land with amazing presentation, unattainable to all and bound by no woman. That's what appeals to me.

Why so much freedom? Why the crazy dreams of liberty? I can't even ride a horse. 

Because I've been in the polar-opposite situation. I've been in a cage as the result of another person. I'm afraid to get a girlfriend - 'cause I have trust issues with women.

Specifically women my age. Ones I could potentially go out with. Many people can't handle the loneliness of being alone - that's the least of my worries. What I can't handle is the drama of a relationship. I can't deal with the other person's outbursts, the silent wars that happen between conversations, the uncertainty of what they're thinking - the possibility it might be something hurtful.

When I meet a girl I remotely like, my reflexes take over. Will she try to manipulate me? Will she pull strings to get her own way? Will she always want to be right? Will she drag me along? Will she screw me over with some kind of irrational, emotional outburst? It's possible these may happen, so I deem the pursuit too risky. If there's even the slightest chance - nothing's worth that again.

I'm acutely aware not all women are the same, but it's not that easy. It's a learned behaviour, a natural reaction, a defence mechanism. It takes a great deal of willpower for me to become close to a woman. Most of the time it's easier not to, so I don't bother. My preconceptions are projected onto someone based on my experiences, what I know of women - and what I've known is not something I want to spend the rest of my life with.

At times I do want a relationship, but I'm never sure if I should be taking these trust issues with me, or deal with them first. Of course this is assuming I don't decide to stay single. Grace, patience and blessings to the woman who decides to go after me...

This goes both ways. No doubt there are women in our community who have been hurt by men. Women who were hurt because a man did something careless. I'm not always the best ambassador for the male species. Maybe I've wounded a few girls because of my austerity.

It'd probably be simpler to keep going the way I have. To continue believing every girl 'round the corner is a unsuspecting saboteur - but I know they deserve more than my suspicions.

So how do my assumptions change? By way of many women, unaware and oblivious to their actions, but little do they know they're breaking down my preconceptions.

They're what I call 'beautiful'.

Andrew Hill: Divorce

God continues to work through some of the gunk in our community as we look at aspects of relationships that have hurt us. Last Sunday was no different as Andrew Hill was back to talk about his own story as a child of divorced parents, God's relationship with Israel and hope in the fact that God wants us back. Well worth a listen. Thanks Andrew!

Singleness and Funny Times

Gotta love community sometimes.

The best nights we have at church are the nights when we get to laugh together, to make fun of ourselves and enjoy each other's company. This has always been the way for our Young Adults group, and as you can hear from this recording, this was us back in form. Afterwards we all headed down to a pub down the road and hung out longer than usual.

I think that's what I love most about church, and why I will look back on Sunday with fondness. Sure, we talked about some important stuff, but the way we did it was the coolest bit.

Love this group. IN A BIG WAY.